How To Enjoy Better Sex 2
The Sound Of Sex
Do you make noise when you make love? Do you make a noise when you reach orgasm? Some "noisy lovers" just can't help themselves; men in the throes of orgasm and ejaculation are the most noisy.
It's good to make a sound because if you try to smother sound during orgasm you will discover the whole of your body will go rigid and tense and the sensations of orgasm will be much less intense. Letting yourself go, vocalizing completely, will relax you, making the build-up of sensations more easily achieved and very much more intense in quality.
Also, as one lover told me: "You made a noise when I did some particular thing to you, it made me feel very good. I thought I must be really doing my stuff today, and I wanted to do even better. The more you let me know how much you were really enjoying what I was doing to you, the more sexually excited I felt myself becoming. Then when you really let rip as you ejaculated, I swear it made me come ever so much more wildly, and afterwards I felt so good, because I'd done this to you."
I told her that she could be right, because I found whenever I made love with a partner who was also a bit on the noisy side, that my own sexual arousal seemed much more intense. I also told her that I got all uptight if I couldn't shout out loud as I ejaculated, and I suggested she should try it, and see if it had any effect on her. She was a little self-conscious about doing it at first, but she soon got the hang of it. She enthusiastically assured me that I was really right; she had never reached orgasm so wildly and enthusiastically before, and she was sorry she'd not known about it before.
Now, there's a downside to all this, of course - the potential for lovers to deceive...when they are not especially excited, a few moans and groans can be a convincing way of telling your partner that you're still right up there with him/her....and for a woman, faking orgasm, it may be a way to reassure her man he is a great lover. (Not that this is a good strategy, of course, since it's a fundamental breach of trust.)
I have even had men in counseling sessions tell me how they "need" to vocalize during sex because they want to persuade their partner they are having an orgasm.
These are often men who suffer from difficulty reaching the point of ejaculatory inevitability - a condition known as retarded ejaculation. They usually need the force of their own hand to get them to orgasm through masturbation. Unusual, but another interesting reflection on the reasons people have for vocalizing during sex.
Besides the release of physical sexual tension which relaxes the muscles and other organs involved in fucking, which in turn makes sex much more intense, there is a sound psychological reason for noise at climax being partner-stimulating as well as self-stimulating.
We make love to one another because we want to show our partner how emotionally involved we are with him/her; just how deeply, we try to get across by making sex as intensely stimulating and satisfying as possible by extending foreplay. As my lover so wisely pointed out after she'd done it once or twice, how can one know if one is really pleasing someone unless they express how appreciative they are?
When a couple make love in complete silence you have to assume that everything is going OK just because they are not complaining!
If we are told how good we are being at sexually stimulating our partner, not in so many words, but with the sigh of indrawn breath, long drawn-out "Ahs" and "Ohs," pantings, whimpers, groans, moans and any suitable comments that come into our heads, we have greater self-confidence and sexual self-esteem .
T his makes us want to do even better. What's more, we do better; and we feel good because our partner feels good.
And finally, a little rude talk can be extremely arousing, especially if shouting "fuck me harder" at the top of your voice is breaking a few taboos for you! (The hardest I ever came was when a lover unexpectedly told me to "fuck her hot wet cunt, NOW!")
Trying to make love in places that will make the sex session a physically uncomfortable one seem hardly worthwhile. Comfort and security are essential to any lovemaking couple, because of the powerful influence the mind has over how we function physically.
Even so, al fresco sex can be wonderful. It is not only a very welcome change of scene that can often make it very good indeed, but there is an added sensuousness which comes from the constant caress, even on a hot day, of air circulating round the bodies. But the conditions have got to be right.
We once had a house with a garden surrounded by a high wall which shielded it completely from the windows of the nearby houses. During the summer we took a rug outside and stretched out naked in the sun. Every time we did this, we convinced ourselves that our primary object was sunbathing, but unfailingly, sooner or later the heat and the little breeze which always played around in the garden would make one or both of us feel sexually aroused.
When we made contact, we still went on pretending that we were sunbathing by making sex as leisurely and lazy as possible, relying on fingertips more than tongue-tips, so that we moved only a little.
Even when we felt the need to have sex we would lie like that for half an hour or more, without movement, just lie there and let the sun and breeze kiss our bodies, and feel the inward flow of sensations moving round belly and thighs, penis and balls, vulva and breasts, slowly but inexorably building up of their own accord until the moment came that we could hold back no longer. Just three or four swings of the buttocks were then enough to make us both climax during intercourse with huge noisy gasps of outrushing breath.
Not many people have suitable secure gardens in which they can make love. But most people can find secret secluded spots with a bit of effort. If you have found such a spot, use rugs, blankets, whatever equipment is going to make your lovemaking as comfortable as possible. It is sometimes possible to find a deserted spot on the shore, away from the fashionable crowded beaches. If you ever do find yourself in such a situation, try this workout.
Choose a spot where the sand is firm. Soft sand can play havoc in several areas of naked bodies. Spread out your towels and go into your lovemaking. When the time comes to enjoy sexual intercourse, go down to the water's edge. There the man lies down on his back, his legs in the sea up to his waist.
The woman lies on him, and as the waves break gently over them, she takes charge of proceedings and brings them to climax. If she can time it so that they have the first throb of orgasm as a wave breaks over them, the sexual and orgasm sensations can be fantastic!
If you can manage it, an occasional outdoor sex session can be a wild experience.
Another myth is that every time you have sex, the women has to reach orgasm (come). A lot of women are often quite happy to be pleasured without coming every time. Equally, the idea of coming together (or simultaneous orgasm) can lead you up paths of false hope and expectation.
Simultaneous orgasm is a pretty good sexual experience but the timing of simultaneous orgasm is so tricky that even really expert lovers cannot easily achieve it at will. When it happens, more often than not the two orgasms are less intense than usual, when the woman starts to orgasm and the man follows.
And why? First, in trying to come together the couple are usually concentrating so much on this result that they don't pay the attention they should to sexual foreplay and build-up techniques.
Second, if the man happens to come first, more often than not he can't continue thrusting long enough to know how to bring a woman to orgasm with his penis and has to get off her and finish with finger or mouth - which necessitates a break in the build-up of her arousal and could put her right off .
And if the man makes sure his partner gets her pleasure before he does, while he is bringing himself to the same happy conclusion he is giving his partner an extra bonus of sensations, because the woman's orgasm sensations last much longer than the man's.
What of Multiple Orgasms?
Quite a number of sexually well-attuned women have the experience of coming two or three times in fairly quick succession to the man's once during a single sex session. For some people, great sex positions means three or four orgasms in one session, for others, ten, twenty, or thirty in an hour. For most women, however, multiple orgasm is a technique that has to be acquired, and there are many women around who just can't get the hang of it at all.
The truth is, there is no need for them to get the hang of it, for the simple reason that their first orgasm is so good, they are completely satisfied by it.
Women who can't come two or three times may worry because they think they must have something wrong with them, and men who can't bring their partner to climax more than once are beginning to lose faith in themselves as lovers. If they go on thinking like this they will eventually feel so sexually inadequate that they will become completely inadequate and won't be able to fuck at all! Multiple orgasms don't matter!
When they embark on a sex session a couple should have three ends in view:
(i) To provide one another with a crescendo of sensuous pleasure
(ii) To have fun doing it, and to overcome difficulty or trouble reaching orgasm
(iii) To reach orgasm with the greatest orgasm possible and have the best sex ever not only for the relief from physical tensions, but to show each other how deep their mutual love is.
Simultaneous orgasms, multiple orgasms, how often you have any kind of orgasm: all are meaningless unless these three conditions are fulfilled.