How To Enjoy Better Sex 2
How to make sex better if you're having problems!
When you set out to improve your sex life, take these seven steps toward total, consistent sexual success!
1 Prepare for sex well - be in the right frame of mind and excited about enjoying your partner
Before a sexual situation ever arises, you can take several steps to aid your chance of success.
Both partners should master the technique of relaxation. Couples find this technique very useful when sexual fears or stress or emotional upheavals make them tense before sex, and occasionally when the man's rapid progress toward a climax makes necessary a pause in sexual activity.
Changing faulty attitudes toward sex is one of the most important preliminaries to mutually satisfying intercourse. Almost all women feel concerned about the possibility that a pregnancy will result from a sexual episode. Even if they want children, the established plan and pattern of their lives will change abruptly and profoundly with a pregnancy. This fact rather than fear of pregnancy itself often interrupts sex.
Emotional issues around sex often stem from faulty ideas planted in childhood to reinforce the prevailing moral code. Little girls learn that it is wrong to respond to men's advances, that they should hide their nudity, that they should never handle their sex organs or let others do so, and a dozen other rules which are unhelpful in an adult relationship. Little boys learn that good girls are not sexually available and vice versa. You often have to review your present attitudes, the sources of those attitudes and past experiences which reveal those attitudes quite thoroughly before freeing yourself from their constraint.
Finally, make sure that the circumstances for sex presage well for its success. Mood, environment and seduction and romance contribute a great deal to sexual excitement. Privacy and comfort also help. Be sure that you have lubricants available if you need them.
2 Achieve comfortable and controlled intercourse - make it a happy and enjoyable experience, not a pressured one
Every couple should start their sex life with a solemn pact; they will think of each other's needs at all times. For example, even if vaginal caresses produce copious natural lubrication and a thoroughly relaxed vagina in an intensely aroused woman, last-moment reflexes can clamp down the vagina to make penetration painful. It is better to err on the side of excess lubrication and caution than to establish fear of intercourse.
Cautious and gentle sexual indulgence also allows the man to learn sexual control. A man who can maintain sexual contact and activity until he decides to reach his climax instead of letting biological pressures carry him quickly to an ungoverned ejaculation multiplies his and his partner's chance for orgasmic fulfillment.
Get in the habit of keeping each other informed and obeying each other's signals to aid climax control. Mastery over biological pressure to ejaculate is a powerful way to extend sex until both partners get full orgasmic pleasure. Self-control thus rates at the top of a man's list of priorities after the comfort of his partner.
Even if pauses in rhythm or less depth of penetration threaten the woman with loss of arousal, she should still stop, because moving when her man desires a pause usually produce a lightning conclusion for him and total sexual frustration for her.
And remember a woman gets satisfaction and pleasure from bringing sexual pleasure to the man she loves even when she does not reach orgasm during intercourse.
Deal with sexual infections as soon as they develop, in particular, anything which may be transferred back and forth between partners in a couple, such as infection with Candida albicans - yeast infection.
3 Build more intense orgasms by moving more slowly towards orgasm and extending foreplay
At this stage, all couples, whether new or experienced, can follow certain principles. Caresses before and during intercourse should be continual and intense. Each partner should take either an active or a passive role in sex movement at any one time instead of attempting synchronized movement.
The person on top plays the active role in most positions, with the man usually taking the reins in on-your-sides postures. Your big problem will probably be the drop in the woman's sexual arousal during pauses, which you can reduce by clitoral play while the man pauses.
Use intercourse-simulating sex play (e.g. finger penetration) after the man has ejaculated in order to bring the woman to orgasm - don't leave her hanging if she remains highly excited. When she just fails to reach orgasm, congestion will not subside until strong sex play carries her over the brink.
The best sex positions are those which bring the penis into contact with the clitoris more effectively include the standard man-on-top, face to face lying-on-sides and modified astride postures.
Couples who have had considerable sexual experience often find the woman's-heels-on-man's-shoulders and the woman's-knees-drawn-up sex positions especially appropriate, and their sole disadvantage, lack of female movement, makes no difference while you are letting one party supply all the activity anyway.
By exploring various combinations of movement and caress without introducing the complexities of synchronized couple movement, most couples can achieve simultaneous orgasm fairly consistently within a few weeks or months. Some women do not experience orgasm no matter how high their excitement mounts, requiring afterplay on all occasions.
However, almost every couple gets together occasionally when mutual orgasm is clearly unattainable from the start, and an occasional loss of female orgasm during pauses necessitated by the man regaining control seems inevitable.
4 Simultaneous Sexual Activity - and that includes simultaneous orgasm
After you have learned to please each other thoroughly with sex during which only one partner takes a highly active role, you can move on to techniques requiring sexual movements by both partners at once. If the woman concentrates on coordinating her rhythms with her man's, the usual man-on-top sex position works out well, with the chair-borne astride posture a close second.
You can work out a number of delightful sexual rhythms based on the slow male in-and-out motion with quicker female rocks or rolls. Add penile twitchings or spasms for extra fillips, rhythmic caresses of the breast or clitoris, buttock massage and other forms of exciting caress for extra stimulation.
Sex at this stage becomes a rather vigorous and prolonged exercise for which most couples need to reserve their energies to some extent. Try to arrange complete privacy for occasional morning or daytime encounters or for a sexual climax to an evening out.
Spend time and effort on romance, on a gradual build-up of sexual excitement through sex play and intimate caress, on non-orgasmic sexual contact if necessary, and on full use of every possible sexual play. Hasty and exhausted sex makes a poor foundation for a compassionate couple's mutual growth.
5 Suit sex to your particular needs as well as the occasion
You need to vary your approaches and sex techniques to keep from getting tired of each other. Why not vary them to suit each episode to the occasion instead of for the sake of variety alone? When both of you are rested and firmly impassioned, a long build-up with playful retreats and varied sexual advances leads naturally into vigorous sex in man-on-top positions.
When he is fresh and she is somewhat weary, the more adventurous sex positions leave him doing almost all the work while still contributing unique sexual pleasure to both. The reverse situation makes the woman-astride posture very suitable. When both partners feel weary or must not exert themselves because of illness, the crossed posture or man-from-the-rear-while-lying-on-your-sides sex position works well.
Taking advantage of occasions to make a different approach also lends variety. A second honeymoon vacation might give you opportunities for abandoned sex play in the late morning or mid-afternoon when the children would certainly interrupt if you were still at home.
Sliding into sex play from the intimacies of a dance, a beach picnic or some other unusual occasion almost automatically leads you to a new approach. If you suit sex to all of these occasions, you will seldom have to seek variety for its own sake.
However, don't let yourselves get into a rut in your sex life, even if the humdrum routine of your daily life seems to bring about the same type of sex night after night after night.
Any time you find yourself in the same sex position twice in a row or discover that you have followed almost the same approach twice in the past four or five times, strive for changes! Have a glass of wine together in the bedroom, or feed each other sweets. Start your sex play with woman in man's lap instead of lying in the bed.
Dance in robe and satin nightgown. Undress each other during sex play instead of waiting for lights out to start the game. Embrace each other face to face one night, with the man behind the next night and the woman lying across his chest the next. These different starts will lead to different sex positions naturally.
In choosing sex postures, the need for variety itself suffices to make any position in which you can enjoy sex worth an occasional trial. Most couples find one or two positions give them the most pleasure, and tend to stick to those postures almost all of the time.
The pleasure palls, not because they chose the wrong positions but just because the specific sensations stemming from those postures no longer give much thrill. If you use many positions, your favorites will give their full complement of sexual pleasure each time you visit them again.
6 Develop maximum sexual harmony and pace - which means learning to move together physically, emotionally and spiritually
After you have developed reasonably consistent, effective and varied means of satisfying each other, you can use your sexual knowledge and skill without impeding your naturalness and spontaneity. Check which caresses seem especially exciting to your partner, which positions give the greatest pleasure, which measures seem to upset your partner or let passion sag.
Deliberate planning and technique help match a man's rhythm with his woman's passionate desire. Apply such methods as played-off preliminary climaxes, episodes in which the man foregoes his climax, genital twitching to stir an extra female orgasm, and seminal retention to produce couple harmony when the woman's desires exceed the man's.
If the man's desire exceeds the woman's, she can exert every effort to increase his speed to orgasm - and he can thank her with gentle caresses, unhurried pace and comfortable thrusting. The particular feminine enjoyment of bringing delight with one's body to another often builds into a capacity for intense orgasm through the years if the man gives his partner intense satisfaction and pleasure in return. History of sex.