Even more variations on sex positions

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Anal Sex

For those who like anal sex it can be very good indeed. Lots of people do it, perhaps even most people try it now and again. She may get very intense sensations. He finds the tight grip of the anus very pleasurable.

Anal intercourse is very common, but it is can be challenging. To enjoy it there are two essentials. First, both partners must overcome any mental blocks that it is dirty or not nice in some way. Second, the anus is not primarily built for fucking, and needs preparation if it is to be used for other than its original purpose. After training there is no reason why the anus should not accept a penis of up to one and a half inches in diameter to a distance of three or four inches or more.

Starting with a soaped finger in the bath perhaps, a woman can get her anus used to accepting penetration. It is as well to look for specially pleasurable sensitive spots - they abound in the anus as well as the vagina. After a while two fingers can be pushed in and eventually the tips of three. There are surgical instruments designed for the purpose but a good quality thick vibrator is just as useful. Opening the anus this way for five or ten minutes a day is adequate over the course of a week or two to prepare it for sexual intercourse.

There are as many variations of sexual position for anal penetration as for vaginal but generally speaking three are most used, with her laying face down, kneeling, or on her back. Face down is the best one to start with. If the surface is firm she cannot pull away from the penetrating penis, and even if she is very keen, there comes a moment when, until she is used to it, she will try. Also face down the buttocks prevent too deep a penetration by the beginner. Before inserting the penis it is better if he or she puts a finger or two in during the love-play. At the selected moment and with plenty of lubricant on his penis and her anus he should grasp his glans and compress it with finger and thumb. Thus reduced in size the glans is pushed against her opening so that the same finger and thumb are at the anal margin. In this way they guide the penis in the right direction. Her job is to relax the muscle so his glans enters easily. For a few seconds the muscle tends to shut but it then quickly relaxes more thoroughly - only then should the shaft of the penis be pushed further in.

The technique for kneeling penetration is identical.

When it comes to her lying on her back there is an extra tip. She needs to have a pillow under her hips and her thighs drawn well up and apart. He should kneel well astride so that he can lower his angle of approach. His penis should be about parallel with the bed. Once he is in he can lie on her as for vaginal intercourse. She will usually prefer this position because of the clitoral involvement that goes with it, but he will need care not to penetrate too deeply.

The significant extra problem is infection. Bacteria live in the rectum without harm. Transferred elsewhere they can be a nuisance. Always wash well before and after, not forgetting to scrub the fingernails. Never put anything, including the penis, into the vagina after it has been in the anus without washing it first. Bacteria can be kept out of the male urethra by wearing a condom. Another good prevention is to drink a pint of water half an hour before intercourse and urinate straight afterwards. Healthy urine is sterile and washes out the urethra.

Anal intercourse can be a great pleasure for both partners. Only you can decide how much you want it and whether the effort of training is worth it.

Masturbation

Wanking provides the most useful and most widely used variation  or substitute for real sex that there is. Masturbation is an excellent thing. There is virtually nothing that can be said against it for either men or women, boys or girls. Until around the 1930s there was a cult, contributed to by doctors, educationalists and the clergy that masturbation was too great a horror to recognize. It was taught that masturbation could lead to all kinds of dreadful conditions, blindness, weakness and the growth of hair on the palms of the hands being but three. Men strapped their sons into mechanical devices that made masturbation impossible to preserve their moral purity.

The reality? Masturbation is to be encouraged for anyone who fancies it and should have no associations of shame and guilt. Its values are fivefold.

First, it is good practice. For the youngsters, learning about sex, or for, the older man, many of who can still do with plently of practice, it offers a way of learning how to control his approach to orgasm. He can increase and decrease the excitement level so that on other occasions, when faced with a willing woman, he is skilled. This helps make his technique good and his timing precise.

Second, it is a substitute. Many men are without sexual contact with a partner for many reasons. I have met men who have lived (and died) without having any other sexual outlet.

Third, even within a marriage there arise times when for one reason or another one partner needs more sexual activity than the other. Up to a point they can adjust and compensate, but the value of this is limited. Recourse to the free use of masturbation restores the balance for however long it is needed.

Fourth, of all ways of learning about one's own and one's partner's sexual preferences, the best is with the use of masturbation. She should watch him. See where he holds his cock, with finger and thumb or with his full fist. What angle does he use? How fast does he rub? He should watch her too. Does she rub her clitoris, or stroke her labia? Does she put anything in her vagina? How many fingers? How hard, how fast, and so on? Try talking during masturbation.

When people masturbate they fantasize. Very few masturbate without fantasizing; it is probably not even possible. In their minds they think about all sorts of wild flights of imagination. They may imagine where they are, what they are doing or having done to them, the people with whom they are doing it. Some fantasies are far too secret to be discussed without shame or without hurting the other half, or without risk of misunderstanding. But many can be shared and just before orgasm (through intercourse or masturbation) is a good time. If you have not tried to learn more of your heart's desires by noticing carefully your fantasy sequences, then it's time you did. And if you are in a worthwhile relationship and have not yet agreed to this kind of communication, nothing will tell you more about yourself and your partner. Nothing provides a better foundation for a deep communication and understanding.

The fifth and last value of masturbation is that it is sexually exciting. Of course it goes without saying that it is exciting to do to yourself. It is also a great turn-on to do it to your partner. And never forget how exciting it can be to others if not to you to watch someone masturbate. If your partner enjoys watching you, let yourself go and offer a treat; and by all means anticipate the same in return.

There are as many techniques of masturbating as there are people to carry them out. So there are no useful instructions. But there are some useful tips. There's no harm in it, so do it as much as you like. Few people run at their best without two or three orgasms a week. Make sure your hands are clean. Don't be dismayed if he ejaculates less second time than first, or if her second orgasm is more powerful than her first (it usually is). Don't regard masturbation as a substitute for real sex except where real sex is unavailable. It is an extra, not a substitute.

Other good websites on sex

Sex positions 101 - with information on many sex positions!

Cosmo For all women influenced by popular culture and who wish to know if they are keeping up with the Jones.

Wikipedia Some crap drawings, by an immature naive geek, no doubt, but worth a look for the text.

Men's Health A very successful online mag offers you its take on sex for men.