Oral Sexual Positions
Licking it up
Oral Sexual Positions: Dealing With Delayed Ejaculation
The great value of oral sex is that it lets you pleasure a woman without any fear about coming too soon.
By the time she has had her orgasm, you are aroused, she is sexually satisfied, so if you ejaculate too quickly it will be less disappointing for her than it otherwise would. So, in avoiding premature ejaculation, or rather, in avoiding its consequences, make sure she reaches orgasm first!
There's a wonderful fantasy that has penetrated so deeply into sexual mythology that it's become absolutely critical that every lover tries it out at some time – the soixante-neuf sex position, aka the 69.
But the reality is that 69'ing, whilst it may be the most common sexual position for oral sex, is actually one of the most difficult. For one thing, the basic orientation is usually with the woman on top, which means that the man is approaching her vulva from the wrong angle.
The most successful cunnilingus is delivered when the man starts with the clitoris and works down towards the woman's perineum, whereas in the 69 with the woman on top, he's forced to start at the bottom of her vulva and move upwards.
In addition, even if the man is on top, and the orientation is better, he's going to have little opportunity to use his hands, and even less opportunity to use his tongue, effectively on her clitoris.
One commentator wrote of soixante neuf positions, "working out how to fit the mouth on the orifices and the protrusions while adjusting to the rhythm is like playing naked twister."
While that may be an exaggeration, it's certainly true that if you are giving and simultaneously receiving oral sex, it's extremely unlikely you can focus in a meaningful way on effective stimulation of the woman's clitoris.
For another thing, the 69 sexual position cannot be comfortably sustained for a great deal of time, and it does prevent the woman relaxing and concentrating on the nuances of oral sex.
Indeed we can sum this best up by saying that when it comes to oral sex, the only way that both partners can effectively enjoy it is for one to focus on giving, whilst the other focuses on receiving; this keeps the whole thing simple, clear, and enjoyable.
Now, none of this means that 69 isn't an enjoyable or exciting sexual position, or indeed a good way of enabling a woman to pleasure a man, but it's more of a sexual act that should take place in foreplay rather than during the main event.
And if you try 69'ing it during foreplay, ensure that you're not making so much effort that you're exhausted by the time it comes to focus your attention exclusively on your partner.
When you kiss her vulva, it should take her breath away; you will hear this in her sigh, or see it in the movement of her body, or in a greater level of relaxation that she enters. Don't diminish the sense of sexual anticipation, heighten it: kiss the areas around her vulva and use your lips rather than your tongue.
You can then use the 69 sex position as a way of sexually teasing your partner so that she reaches even greater heights of delight when you come to pleasure her "properly" - i.e. take her to orgasm. This also means that you don't have to worry about techniques for men lasting longer in bed, which makes sex much less pressured for you.
You may also have heard of the oral sex position called "sit on my face" – and whilst this is extremely exciting for men who have submissive tendencies, and it does indeed provide better access to her vulva, the problem is that it really hinders your ability to use your hands and your fingers.
This may help any man who has a problem with delayed ejaculation reach orgasm more quickly, thereby allowing him and his partner to potentially reach climax together. You can get many more facts about retarded ejaculation here, where the origins, cures, causes and treatment of this extremely common male sexual dysfunction are all explained by a professional sex therapist who has worked with men who have sexual dysfunction for many years.
When a woman sits on your face – which in fact actually means kneeling around your face – this sex position forces her to kneel upright, which places stress on her back and legs, especially her knees.
Indeed, it can be so discomfiting that she loses sexual arousal rather than gains it, or if she wasn't aroused when you started, she is unlikely to become sexually aroused.
The pleasure of this sexual position lies elsewhere: it's about her gaining a sense of dominance, about allowing her to experience a slightly different emotional approach to sex, and letting loose a part of the personality which might not normally found expression – basically "sitting on a man and putting him down". Dominance.
A third oral sex position worth discussing is "up against the wall", which is a common fantasy for men and women alike. Having a woman stand with her back against a wall whilst you kneel in front of her, trying to give her cunnilingus can be very exciting, but it's extremely unlikely that she reach orgasm.
You can have a passionate "quickie" in this sex position, i.e. full intercourse, in which some sexual tension and fantasy activity is released, but do avoid making this position for oral pleasure except as a brief bit of erotic stimulation, sexual excitement, or a little bit of a thrill.
Indeed, there are many other exciting sex positions you can come up with which will be suitable for foreplay thrills but don't try and use these for the serious act of taking a woman to orgasm through cunnilingus!
Now how are you going to pleasure a woman orally if the above three sex positions are not actually so good?
The answer is to have her lie on her back with her legs spread comfortably apart – although not too far apart – and somewhat bent at the knees. She needs full command of her pelvic muscles to enjoy oral sex to the full, which implies that her legs need to be nearer together than further apart. She certainly should have no hint of yeast infection any more, which means death to sexual pleasure and can infect her male partner. Candida produces an irritated vagina and all kinds of unpleasant discharges, so avoid it like the plague!
You might think that when a woman is aroused she arches her back and throws back her head. However, this position actually cuts off the blood flow to her pelvic area and hampers her breathing; it also slows down her sexual response.
A sexually aroused woman who is comfortable has her back flat without an arch, and her genitals tilted slightly up the pelvis towards your mouth: so a good position for cunnilingus is lying on the bed with a pillow behind her neck and shoulders, and with one under her buttocks so that it gives you easy access to her vulva and reduces the stress on your neck.
And of course you need to have enough space on the bed so you can stretch out and be supported. A large bed helps here, but if yours isn't big enough for you to lie supported on, then you can both take up position on the floor with some kind of cushioning beneath you both, or you can have her lying with her legs over the edge of the bed, as you kneel on the floor in front of her.
And you also need to be in an orientation that matches hers, so that your bodies, when looked at from above, form a straight-line.
You need to be comfortable so you can adopt a wide range of movements during cunnilingus, whether this is licking her for extended periods of time, putting your hands underneath her buttocks (which can be very exciting for her), lifting her legs, rocking to and fro, or putting a hand on her belly - which she will also find quite exciting.
Giving head is a phrase that actually sums up what you do when you pleasure woman with cunnilingus. You actually get your entire face in there, with your nose buried in the pubic mound, your upper lip resting on the upper edge of her pubic bone so you can use both your lips and gums to provide pressure against the area above the clitoral head.
You can then cover the entire expanse of her vulva with long vigorous licks or slow, luxurious licks, according to what she finds most exciting.
The point is - you need complete involvement, a real commitment to pleasuring her with the whole of your face!
The sex position you adopt must be comfortable – if you're resting your body on your forearms make sure you're comfortable, and remember that you can actually loop your arms around her upper thighs if she has her feet resting on the bed and knees slightly raised.
You need to find a sexual position that gives you the greatest pleasure to exploit the role of both receiver and giver of sexual pleasure (yes, giving cunnilingus should be pleasurable for you!).
Of course, sexual positions are not the whole story. You may wish to improve your sexual technique which you can do by learning about the coital alignment technique. This excellent sexual technique for helping women to reach orgasm (click here) is a variation on the missionary position and highly effective in allowing women to reach orgasm during intercourse!
Video - the coital alignment technique
When you pleasure a woman with cunnilingus you should never underestimate the importance of the first impression of your lips against her sensitive genital tissue. If she's aroused, the first touch of your lips on her vulva can be the most exquisite of all possible kisses, perhaps even taking her breath away.
So take Ian Kerner's advice, from his book "She Comes First", and don't "pop off the Cork" as though this was a bottle of wine you're going to gulp down in a few short swallows.
Start by breathing in the aroma of her vulva, admiring her body, noting the complexion and tone of her labia, and only then take first sip; in doing so you should appreciate the full experience, which you can enhance by running your fingers gently through her pubic hair, and by teasing her subtly and skilfuly by working along her inner thigh and smooth skin next to her genitals with little kisses that you then divert away from her genitals before finally touching them when she's sexually aroused.
You can blow gently on the clit head (never up her vagina); you can breathe hotly on her vulva; if she's still wearing her underwear you can kiss her through her pants before you move in closer.
This is all about appreciating where you're going: remind yourself that you're actually focusing on her sexual pleasure. So tell her that going down on her actually turns you on; remind her there's no rush, and she should enjoy every moment; and finally reassure her that her scent and the taste of her juices excites you and is delightful.
The first lick should start at the base of her vaginal entrance and move upwards along the full length of her labia. Allow your tongue to press briefly against the area just underneath the head of her clitoris. And if you move over the head, brush it lightly until you've reached the area just above the clitoral hood. You can then press down with the tip of your tongue and feel the body of the clitoris beneath your tongue.
Next, slowly move down from top to bottom as you press your finger against her perineum or just below her vaginal entrance. Putting your hand on her belly or under her buttocks and pulling them slightly apart can be very exciting for her.
But no matter what approach you take, do the whole thing slowly and skillfully, ensuring you're in the correct oral sex position that will allow you to encompass her vaginal entrance and vulva fully.
The first touch of your tongue vulva should leave her wanting more, and show her that you actually have the skill to make her orgasm. Cunnilingus is about the balance between firmness and softness, movement and stillness, so that pausing between the licks that you give her will ensure that her sexual tension builds gradually as you find out how to pleasure a woman.
But don't just focus on what you're doing, focus on how you're feeling: ensure that you feel your tongue against her vulva, so that the energy is transferred between you. Then break the contact, causing an imperceptible shudder from her when you remove your tongue - and then again when you put it back. Making and breaking contact in this way can build a sexual tension that demands released through powerful orgasm.
And get a regular sexual rhythm going - that's incredibly important. Repetition can build a woman's sexual arousal faster than almost anything else.
Listen for feedback from her that suggests she is becoming more and more aroused. Don't focus on her clitoral head until she really is aroused: when she's sufficiently aroused the clit head or glans will move out from under its protective hood, and you can then apply light repetitive motions of your tongue to it to speed up her progress towards orgasm as she becomes more aroused.
Generally speaking, licking the head of the clitoris with your tongue will only be acceptable to her when she is highly aroused.
Finally, suppose you have some other problems which inhibit sex, or for which you require treatment to avoid physical pain or discomfort: for example, do you need a hiatal hernia treatment system? If so, click here for a home remedy for acid reflux and the more problematic and potentially painful heartburn and GERD which it can cause. You need to find acid reflux remedies which work for you and allow you to enjoy sex without discomfort.
In short, work around these issues by finding sex positions which do not stimulate the discomfort of either of these medical conditions.